I am a licensed psychologist in the state of Missouri and have been in practice for over twenty years. I have a general practice that includes depression and anxiety disorders.
So what are we to do? Give up in despair? What if we were to do the same thing towards ourselves as God does toward us — exercise compassion that is informed by understanding — rather than beating ourselves up. Remember the woman at the well in John 4: This woman was out collecting water in the middle of the day — presumably so she could avoid the judgmental glances of the locals.
One failed marriage was a big enough shame in that context — imagine having five! And now this woman was living unmarried with a partner.
Even more shame and embarrassment! That is the power of compassion informed by understanding. So, instead of condemnation, His compassion acknowledged the reality of what had happened to and for this woman, what was going on within her and what was needed to best help her heal and grow.
While condemnation — particularly self-condemnation — is more often than not a major barrier to constructive change, informed compassion instead opens up the way to such change. Unfortunately we live within a fallen reality. We were never designed to have a knowledge i. And for good reason.
When we are born, the subconscious elements of our brain are fully formed and ready to go. On the other hand, the conscious elements of our brain are just starting their development from birth.
Perhaps you can see the outcome of this — one part of our brain will have to play catch-up to the other. This is because growth is based on a principle called experience-dependent development. This means you will develop in accordance with the kinds of experiences you are exposed to or choose to involve yourself.
Forming constructive habits — and resisting the development of detrimental ones — is likely to be somewhat easier and more straightforward for you.
When this happens, mature development is impaired and unfortunate side-effects occur instead. Habits formed in contexts like this are typically much more entrenched and resistant to change.
And then there are those who grew up in environments somewhere in between, where they still struggle with detrimental habits, though perhaps of a less extreme nature.
Of course, what I have outlined is a generalization, and you likely know someone who is an exception to what I have described. But the generalization holds up pretty well, and there are likely to be quite a few reading this who will recognize what I have written and affirm that they have experienced what I have described.
Why is this important to know? Well, yes it is bad news at this point. But it is important news too. God is compassionate because He understands. And we benefit from understanding too — from understanding how and why we got to this point. Now for the next important aspect of understanding, we need to understand the nature of habits, and I will outline some of the more important things that are worth knowing about the nature of habits.
When you better understand these, you can use this knowledge to inform your efforts to replace your detrimental habits with more constructive ones. You need to know that you cannot get rid of a habit.
You can only progressively develop a more preferred habit. If you happen to encounter the right convergence of conditions, the habit will be reawakened — meaning it will once again surface as an impulse.
If this happens, be informed rather than horrified.
Habits are formed by repetition — not by decision alone. It is actually a myth that it takes 21 days to form a new habit.
This finding was for one particular research project involving development of a relatively simple habit, and it got promoted to the point where it is widely believed.
The truth is that it depends upon the particular habit you are trying to develop and whether or not it is competing with any previous habits you may have developed. It might take 21 days, or it might take considerably longer. As humans, we have a default tendency towards consistency, familiarity and the path of least resistance, rather than towards the challenges of change.Motivation to change.
By Stacy Notaras Murphy April 27, tells Counseling Today that behavioral addictions should be viewed as a new field of study encompassing “a number of diverse conditions, but it is also very fulfilling to practitioners,” he says. “People get into counseling [work] because they want to build relationships, and.
I actually beg to differ #4. We are actually experiencing Primary Trauma. Secondary Trauma is when you are traumatized by hearing someone else tell about their trauma ok, we may have some of that too.
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